Have you ever felt that you want to cry but hold it inside but it physically hurts? I felt that today. My chest hurts because I was holding in my tears. It’s amazing how your emotions can cause pain inside your body.
I took my kids to watch the Cars 3 movie today. I forgot to mention it to my husband since he was at work and it was a last minute decision. I glanced at me phone right before the movie and discovered a lot of messages from my husband. He was making me feel guilty that I would take forever to respond.
My husband sent me text messages that he doesn’t feel that I’m giving him enough attention. He is making me feel guilty for doing the one thing I enjoy right now, which is expressing myself through writing. I can’t seem to win this battle. I began to cry reading what a horrible person I am but I stopped myself because my kids were sitting next to me. I did release like two tears but the rest were stuck inside me. I was crying silently inside.
I just want to be an individual but I can’t. He wants my undivided attention. He forgets that I have six kids at home right now due to them being on summer break. I’m trying to find fun things to do with them that’s not that expensive. According to him I’m giving too much attention to this virtual world of writing instead of focusing on my real family.
I think I might have to stop blogging since now this is causing an argument in my failed marriage. Life isn’t fair but it was nice meeting you all in this virtual world. I hope for a better tomorrow. 😔