There I was in my bedroom with three of my foster kids watching television with me. At that time, I had a six month old boy and two girls that were four and five years old.  One of my sons was also in my bedroom but in my office that is connected to it.  He was hogging the internet from everyone else because he wanted a fast connection while playing video games. He had his PS4 connected directly to the internet modem.

My husband had his best friend over and they were both watching a movie downstairs in the living room. It was a normal Saturday, nothing special. I became bored watching cartoons with the girls so I went on my phone. I had downloaded a Poker app to play poker when I had some downtime.

I began playing and a lot of men began flirting with me on the tables. They would send me virtual drinks and flowers. I thought it was quite funny how people acted on these tables.  I was laughing and having a good time while I played poker on my phone. One of the players begins to ask where I was from and what’s my favorite drink. I didn’t see the harm in that so I answer his questions.

I mentioned to him that I like to drink wine and that opened a can of worms. He asked if I had gone wine tasting.  One question leads to a full conversation.

My husband walks in and finds me on my phone.  He asked what I was doing so I told him playing poker.  He became upset that I wasn’t downstairs with him watching the movie. I reminded him that I couldn’t because I had the kids and the movie he was watching was not kid friendly.

He notices that I have a conversation with one of the players and takes away my phone. He begins to read the conversation and then raises his voice and says, “Look kids, this is what your mom does, she flirts with other guys”. I try to snatch my phone away from him and he raises it up.  He is much taller than me so I couldn’t reach it.

He begins to read the conversation out loud to my kids.  While he is doing that, I’m still trying to get my phone from him. He finally finishes reading it and he is angry. He is upset with me and throws my phone against the wall. I just saw my phone fly and bounce back.  It had a hard case on it. I pick up my phone and he takes it away from me and throws it against the wall again.  He throws it much harder this time, and my phone case falls apart.

He grabs the actual phone now with no case and throws it to the wall for third time.  My phone falls apart to pieces.  I couldn’t believe the way he treated me in front of my kids.  I walk away and I go downstairs and grab the keys to my car.  By the time, I reach to the garage door he snatches the keys from my hands.  I was too afraid to fight him. I walk out to my garage and I open it.  I walk out of my house.

I keep walking but don’t know where to go. I’m angry, I’m embarrassed, I’m ashamed, I’m confused. I have so many emotions burning inside me. I want to cry but I can’t. I can barely breathe, I keep walking. I have no car keys, I have no phone and I have no wallet.  All I know is that I need get away from him.  I walk down the street and I noticed my 13 year old daughter following me.

I stopped and I asked her to go back home.  She doesn’t want to listen.  I can see her tears running down her cheek and her eyes watery.  I keep walking and she keeps walking behind me but 3 feet away from me. I continue walking and she walks. I stop and then she stops.

I finally had enough of her nonsense and I go to her and scream at her face to go home. I give her my wedding ring and asked her to take it to her dad and to help him with the kids. She looks scared. I turn back around and I see her go home.  It was the most painful thing I had to do so she can leave me alone.

There is a golf course behind my neighbors homes so I decided to get out of the sidewalk and go into the golfing course.  I’m finally alone behind all the homes and I begin to cry. I begin to think, where can I go? I don’t know anyone’s number and I don’t have anyone close by. I just cry and continue walking. I’m just walking.

The golf course ends and it meets back to the street.  I remember of a hiking trail but I need to cross the street. I begin to fear that they might be looking for me and he might see me when I try to cross over.  I walk slowly and I don’t hear anything. I’m approaching the street and I hear a car. I try to hide behind a bush and it’s them.  It was my husband.  He had already parked and was walking my direction with my daughter.

I turn back. I run away from them and he is running after me. He is trying to grab me and I begin to scream, “Don’t touch me”. He immediately stop touching me. My daughter begins to grab me and tells me to calm down. They are making me change direction, they want me to walk to the car. I’m crying and screaming that I don’t want to go home. I want to be left alone.

I finally calm down and I get into the car and he takes me home. Once I get home, I refuse to get out of the car. They got out and then I locked myself inside.  I didn’t want to go inside the house. They didn’t understand that I just wanted to be left alone. I eventually went inside the house. I couldn’t stop crying.  I was so hurt of what had just happened.  Was I in the wrong? Did I deserve to be treated that way? I will never forget this day.

No matter what I do, those words of how he portrayed me in front my kids will never be erased.  No matter what he does, they will never see me the same way again.